Tall tales: A peek at the very different lives of Freddie and Kris

Freddie and Kris are both very tall and quite noticeable. A difference though, is that Freddie likes attention and Kris tends to avoid it, a least when not at work. Sometimes Kris pulls a hoodie over his head so no one can get a good look at him. Not so with Freddie. He wants everyone to know about his presence.

Before I write any further I am obliged to explain that Freddie is a bird and Kris is not. Kris is a Net. A New Jersey Net. Freddie is a Great White Heron, which is a white morph of the Great Blue Herons often seen in North Dakota.

Kris, last name Humphries, was on the same airplane as I during a recent flight from Minneapolis to Miami. What I knew about him was that he signed a two-year, $24 million contract with the Nets in 2012 and then promptly played himself out of a starting role. To be fair, injuries and coaching changes played a part in a lack of playing time for Humphries, who has shown an ability to have starting NBA talent.

Despite his basketball skills, not a lot of people knew much about Kris Humphries until the Chaska, Minn., native married Kim Kardashian. The marriage never quite worked out – it lasted only 72 days. However, that was long enough to fill the front pages of tabloids and flood the Internet with gossip.

As for Freddie, I don’t know much about his personal life. Heck, I really don’t know if Freddie is even a he. What I do know is that Freddie anticipates the arrival of fishing boats at the dock of his choosing in the Florida Keys. Smart bird. He knows he’ll be fed fish, at least parts of fish, when the filleting begins.

Freddie does all this with a certain dignity, standing proud and walking stately. On the other hand, Kris was recently doing all he could to avoid attention by pulling a hoodie over his face in the Minneapolis airport and on the plane. It mattered little. People were pointing and gesturing and talking about him anyway.

What I am getting at here is that both Freddie and Kris are far too tall to blend in or hide anywhere. Freddie is the equivalent of Big Bird in the wild and Kris stands 6-foot-10. They are going to get noticed.

Speculation is swirling that the Nets will trade Kris Humphries prior to the start of next season. I’m reasonably certain Freddie will stay put.